I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
