areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize