Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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