Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
