i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am one with the molecules
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
