My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
