Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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