I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
