dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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