If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
