I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
