Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
pray to the hookup gods
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize