This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
