So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm too high and old for this...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
