Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
