i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize