brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
