so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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