I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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