drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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