he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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