Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize