the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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