she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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