I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
