You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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