so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
