His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
