clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
a search helicopter?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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