I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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