Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
