my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize