u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
