What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i will never coherently bang her
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
