Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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