do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
