Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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