ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
