You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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