She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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