So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
