i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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