I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize