i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
