Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize