i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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