I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
