My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
