He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
