You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
