the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
