There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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