I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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