It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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