he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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