I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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