it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize