She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize