Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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