Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
