tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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