I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
