just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
