What a fucking waste of an outfit
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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