Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize