So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
