is your mom at the bar?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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