I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize