I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
