Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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