are you so shy because you have an std?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize