i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
