Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
