She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
