omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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