I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
