There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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